For the first time in almost 2 years I didn’t feel like posting anything. Jericho and Caity have been carrying the load. Quite well I might add. (If we can only get Caity off her high horse and have her write more then we’ll be set. She’s a fucking diva if you can’t tell. “Magglio I need some water.” “Jericho stop staring at me when I write it makes me nervous.” “Do you have any naked pictures of TahoeSanta?” “Where’s my vibrator, I’m having writer’s block.” Bless her. She’s a gift and we should all be thankful. Am I wrong?)
I can’t remember the last time we went more than 2 days without a post. It’s like when Tiger came up a bit short at the Masters this year. You didn’t expect it and you were left wondering “what happened to Phil’s bitch tits?” So, I’m here to tell you that I’m back. And Phil’s bitch tits are doing just fine.
Let's get into it....some Apples & Moustaches...because I said so...
Apple
The Giants made it through April with a respectable 10-10 record. This team is dangerous. If we get 2 clutch hits during a game, we will win. It’s as simple as that. Unfortunately sometimes our bats go silence and we wind up losing 2-0. But with this pitching staff, the BEST pitching staff in baseball, 2 hits with runners in scoring position means that we’re going to win the game. If Sabean had some balls he’d make a trade for a big bat and we’d really make some noise. I can dream right?
Moustache
This Friday I’m going to the San Jose Giants game. Yes, I’m a big fat dork and I know it. The San Jose Giants are single A but the stars have aligned (unfavorable weather in the East Coast) and all of our best prospects are in San Jose. Buster Posey, Madison Bumgarner and 17-year-old Angel Miguel Villalona. What’s the felony equivalent to lusting after your team’s single A ballclub? Hearing that the incoming 8th grade class at a local middle school has some potential and then timing your lunch break with the school’s so you can ‘hang out’ in the parking lot? Yep. That sounds about right.
Apple
Fuck the Swine Flu. Seriously. Go fuck yourself Swine Flu. Me and all my readers are not letting you into our lives. And to prove it I’m going to order a carnitas burrito, lick the handrail on the bus and fire up the crock pot for some old fashioned cocktail weenies. And fuck you too Rajon Rondo while we’re at it.
Moustache
Real World Road Rules Challenge off the fucking charts this season. No doubt about it. This might be the best show on TV. If you’re not watching, start now. It’s got everything; athletic competitions, frat guy partying, sweet lesbian muff diving, and professional BMX biker TJ Lavin. What more could you ask for? In my draft I picked Derek (not the badass one, he’s not on this season) and Rachel…the sexy lesbian. I like my chances.
Apple
The Niners stole Michael Crabtree. The Raiders have gone from punchline to scary lunatic wacko, like when the crazies on Market St. stop asking for change and just try to touch you instead. Mark Sanchez is a dreamboat. The Hawks lucked out when Aaron Curry fell into their lap. Rhett Bomar will be the best QB in this draft when it’s all said and done. Pedro Gomez could use a big fat shoe up his ass. Next year the Niners will pair their two first round picks together, trade up to 3, and get Taylor Mays. Ballgame bitches.
Moustache
Heidi Montag wears the fuck out of a bikini…am I wrong?
